Our normal sens…

Our normal sensation of self is a hoax, or, at best, a temporary role that we are playing, or have been conned into playing – with our own tacit consent, just as every hypnotized person is basically willing to be hypnotized. The most strongly enforced of all known taboos is the taboo against knowing who or what you really are behind the mask of your apparently separate, independent, and isolated ego.

This is a quote from Alan Watts from his book “The Book On The Taboo Against Knowing Who You Are”. Although I haven’t read the book, it’s been added to the “to-read” pile after I read a fantastic review on brainpickings.org. You can purchase this book through Amazon http://www.amazon.com/The-Book-Taboo-Against-Knowing/dp/0679723005/?tag=bpnewsletter-20.

And I thought it was the perfect intro to my Day 2 of the 30 Day Blog Challenge response. Yes I know I’m a little behind on Day 2. And to spice things up even more, I’m spending a huge amount of time going for job interviews outside of work hours at the moment. They are soul-sucking, brain-hurting, interrogating interviews that just leave me exhausted and confused. I have just repeated my career history so many times that I don’t even know what I’m selling anymore. The answer to the “So where do you see yourself in 5 years?” question is specially tailor made to suit the individual jobs I’m going for. Who in their right mind would answer that in complete honesty in a job interview?

I’m glad I’ve got this little project to keep in touch with the real me, I might just stay sane after all. However, with all these interviews and an accounting qualification that I’m supposedly studying for, I may not make the blog a day requirements. Maybe I’ll just keep this as a Sunday afternoon thing…. not sure, we’ll see.

So today’s blog post is a response to “If you woke up tomorrow and were free to do anything you wanted with your life, what would you do and who would you be?”

I have often asked myself this question and usually I come up with the same answer… full time study AND become a full time mum. But I’m pretty sure this is because I don’t feel like I’m skilled enough to go out and start my own campaign project. And why can’t I have a child at the same time right? But then maybe it’s because I’m not so confused after all…

For me personally, to answer this question honestly I have to take away the money factor. Even then I’m not so confident that I still know what I want. Which brings me back to Alan Watt’s argument. At the end of the day, we are simple human beings with small brains that have been “culturally conditioned” into thinking and feeling a certain way. He also argues that “attention is simply narrowed perception”. My interpretation of this is that what we choose to focus our limited energy on is driven by a worldview that has been mapped out by our experiences. What we do know for sure, is that we are completely dependent on our bodies and the environment around us. There is only love. Any other feelings such as guilt, jealousy, lust, are all derived from this delusion of being separate from the universe.

Therefore I feel I cannot answer this particular question without answering “If today was your last day, how would you spend it?”. As only in those last moments would I really appreciate what I had missed out on.